• team@active-baby.com
  • Ebeltoft, Denmark
[WPALRP-LOGIN]
Search
Close
Menu
  • Pregnant

    The baby inside

    Fetal development

    Alcohol and smoking

    Connect with your unborn

    Your body and health

    Complications and symptoms

    Exercise

    Nutrition

    Contractions

    Life as pregnant

    Stress

    How to sleep when pregnant

    Beauty and shopping

    Tools and ressources

    Healthy habits during and after pregnany - FREE EBOOK

  • Baby

    Your babys health

    Baby Massage: Benefits and Techniques Backed by Science

    Smoking

    Chemicals

    Food and Breastfeeding

    Common illnesses

    Your babys life

    Wonder Weeks e-mail program

    Potty training

    Sleep

    Games your baby will love

    Safety

    Development

    Emotions

    Teething

    Nature

    Music

    Your life with a baby

    Family and the baby

    Your body, exercise and nutrition

    Your beauty

    Connect with your baby

    Birth, and the first hours after

    Tools and ressources

    Your babys safety - FREE EBOOK

    Encourage you baby to be active - FREE EBOOK

    Parent Coaching

  • Toddler

    Family

    Familylife

    Worklife

    Siblings

    Nutrition and cooking

    Your toddlers life

    Games and toys

    Development

    Learning

    Behaviour

    Parenting

    Communicate with your child by decoding the situation

    The sensitive child

    Parents stress

    Positive parenting

    Parent Coaching

    Tools and ressources

    Your babys safety - FREE EBOOK

    Encourage you baby to be active - FREE EBOOK

    Parent Coaching

  • Debate
  • Login
  • Register

Home » Positive parenting » Gentle parenting – 8 steps to parenting without yelling

Gentle parenting – 8 steps to parenting without yelling

gentle parenting

Table of Contents

We have a vision of Gentle Parenting as sunny mornings around the breakfast table, with an abundance of time and patience. Birds singing, children humming. All smiles and tranguility. I sure do.

Then reality kicks in! Tired toddlers who dont coorperate. No teethbrushing. No boots on. Late for work. Behind with a load of emails that need my attention. They dont want to get in the car. They dont want to get out of the car.

I’m sure we’ve all been there, where we feel that yelling has been our ‘go-to’ reaction. We might start out with the right intentions, we listen, and we stay calm. But in the end, we grab the last resource we have – suddenly we are yelling – and only then do they finally listen and take us seriously. It works!

And I get it; it takes lots of practice and patience to get what we are asking for without yelling or losing our temper.

Why we shouldnt be yelling!

  • When we yell, we have lost all control of ourselves and any chance we had of staying in charge of the situation. Actually, we have given away all the power we might have had.
  • When we start yelling, we have stopped all forms of healthy communication since we are not listening anymore. Our negative emotions have taken over and are controlling us. There is no way forward to solve the issues that respects our kids and sits well with us.
  • It sends a signal to our kid’s brains that they are in danger and they will most likely go into fight or flight mode and will automatically fight back or move away (run away from us, in fact they are just running away from danger)
  • Yelling can have a long-term effect on our kids if it happens too often and we become out of control. Nobody likes to be yelled at and it is a humiliating experience they will carry with them.
  • We are our kids’ biggest role model and from an early age they copy everything we say and do and how we say it! I think you know what I am about to say now. Yes, if we want our kids to stop yelling and start listening, we need to show them how to do it!

Gentle Parenting comes from the inside.

First we need to show and teach our kids how to control our behavior by checking in with our emotions – what we feel in the here and now:

  1. Notice the feeling when it comes, stop what you are about to say or do and take a deep breath. Nothing else for now.
  2. Think: What am I feeling right now? At this point don’t fight it, step into the feeling and accept it, ‘this is my feeling and I cannot get rid of it but I don’t want it to control how I parent next!’
  3. Notice any self-thoughts or doubts and then challenge them. It might be that you think ‘I am so mad right now why does he do this to me’ or ‘I don’t deserve this!’ or ‘here we go again, she is not going to listen to me and she will create another battle’. Stop yourself and challenge these thoughts i.e. ‘I can deal with this, his behavior is normal and will go away’, ‘she is so nice most of the time so we can get through this. Obviously, she is not like this all the time’ etc.
  4. Allow a pause before you do or say anything. This will allow you to get yourself, your emotions and actions under control.
  5. Make a decision: choose what you will do and say, or not do and say. It is ok to take a time out or ignore a child’s behaviour (never ignore the child, only the behaviour i.e. nagging, yelling, moods etc) as long as we re-engage later, restore the balance and connection.
  6. Make it a family agreement to work on the yelling. Have a signal that you can give each other when anybody is about to yell.
  7. Admit to mistakes: We are human, you will get it wrong, but awareness is the first step to change. It is good parenting and role modelling to be able to go back and say, ‘you know what, that was not my finest moment and I am not proud or happy of the way I behaved, I will do my best to changing that and not repeat it’.

Conclusion

Gentle Parenting really means be gentle to yourself: find your own inner peace. Let it radiate from you. 

Just by reading this article you are already changing things for the better, since you care and are willing to work on things. No one said that parenting was going to be easy and most of us are trying our best and sometimes that is good enough!

 

Mette Theilmann

Mette Theilmann

I am originally from Denmark. I’ve been married to an Irishman for 26 years and together we have three children aged 18, 20 and 22. As a family we have previously lived in Brussels, China and London and we currently live between Denmark, Ireland and the UK. I am an experienced and qualified life coach.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Related articles

Go ahead and choeck out our newest articles.

Kofta with raita and bean salad
April 11, 2021
Read More »
Veal fricassee with potato wedges
April 11, 2021
Read More »
Pita pockets with curry meat filling
April 11, 2021
Read More »
Ovenbaked chicken with potato dish and baked cherry tomatoes
April 11, 2021
Read More »
Fajitas for babies
April 11, 2021
Read More »
Meatballs in coconut – curry sauce
April 11, 2021
Read More »
Spaghetti bolognese
April 11, 2021
Read More »
Fish bites
April 9, 2021
Read More »
Lamb meatballs with potato salad and fried beans
April 9, 2021
Read More »
Egg Pancakes
April 9, 2021
Read More »
Fish packages
April 9, 2021
Read More »
Salmon with rice, mango salad and lemon sauce
April 9, 2021
Read More »

Ressources

  • E-books
  • Parent coaching

About us

  • Where we are
  • Who we are
  • Meet our contributors
  • Contact us

Let´s stay in touch

Did you like this article?

Please share it with the world

Facebook
Google+
Twitter
LinkedIn
Pinterest
WhatsApp
Facebook
Google+
Twitter
LinkedIn
Pinterest
WhatsApp

Please join us!

and get all the great news and offers from us

no, thank you

  • About WordPress
    • WordPress.org
    • Documentation
    • Support
    • Feedback
  • Log In
  • Register
  • AMP
    • View AMP version
  • Elementor Debugger
    • Theme
      • Location: Single > Template File: Location Settings (Override) > Elementor - header-footer.php
      • Location: Header > Added By Condition > Main header
      • Location: Single > Added By Condition > single
      • Location: Footer > Added By Condition > footer area
      • Location: Popup > Added By Condition > social
      • Location: Popup > Added By Condition > sign up